Going in to the walk, I knew it was going to be a bit of an emotional roller coaster. However, I really wanted to try and enjoy the experience and celebrate being a survivor. But, in all honesty, it was difficult. I hadn't prepared myself for the ups and downs of my emotions. I thought I would be able to put a smile on my face and power through the walk. What a fool I was.
It was shocking to see people carrying remembrance signs that were for women in their 20's and 30's. I wasn't prepared for the emotions that I felt when I saw those signs. There was a woman who had a sign on her backpack that stated she was walking for a friend who had died just days before the walk.
One lady wearing a pin that said she was walking in honor of her grandaughter who was 10 years old when she was diagnosed. She is currently 15. One simply said "I walk for my wife who died at 35." It made me think of Omar and Little O. Another sign was for a woman who lost her battle at the age of 34. Her initials were TAG and all throughout the walk we would see her family. They would hand out candy and water and tell us we were TAGged by an angel. They made me think about my parents. Both of those times, the "what ifs" took hold of my thoughts. It made me think of the pain and sadness they must have felt and the strength and courage it took them to come and cheer and us on.
Then there were the conversations you overheard. The conversations always started out the same..."Why are you walking?" or "Who are you walking for?" On the second day, I was walking in front of a group of women who were talking about why they were walking. One of them said that she was walking in honor of her sorority sister who had just passed away. They made me think about the day I stood holding hands with two of my sorority sisters as I told the rest of them I had breast cancer. On the last day, as I was trying my hardest to make it up a really steep hill, I heard a lady behind me say, "I walk for the past, the present and the future." I bit my tongue to make sure I didn't just stop right there and cry my eyes out. For some reason, that one sentence just did me in. Such a simple sentence but one with profound meaning.
I walked on my own a lot - sometimes because my mom and aunt were walking pretty fast and I couldn't keep up, but most of the time because I just wanted to be left alone. Left alone with my thoughts and emotions. I was really quiet and a little sad. I shut down. I don't deal well with my emotions. I do what needs to be done, and move on. Unfortunately, I let my emotions get the best of me during the walk which caused me to think about the 1 in 10 chance I have that breast cancer will invade my body once again. (Side note: when my doctor told me I have a 10% chance that my breast cancer would come back, I thought, not bad! Then I realized, oh $#&*, that's like saying I have a 1 in 10 chance. It freaked me out a bit.)
But in between those moments of sadness, there were happy moments. It was uplifting to see soo many individuals, families, kids, dogs, you name it, standing along the walk route cheering us all on. They would hand out stickers, candy, and sometimes, little shots of alchoholic beverages! When people realized I was a survivor, they would cheer extra loud for me and give me "Survivor" stickers. They made me smile and laugh, and they helped the miles go by quicker. Some would say "Thank you for walking," which was a little strange to me, but looking back on it now, I understand. Everyone knows someone who has been touched by breast cancer. Watching hundreds of people who raised a minimum of $2300 walk 60 miles for breast cancer is a pretty good reason to say thank you!
Stay tuned for Part Two of the emotional roller coaster - Closing Ceremony!
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Friday, November 22, 2013
My mom and Aunt
So I asked my mom and aunt to tell me what some of their memories were from the 60-mile walk. This is what they had to say:
Aunt: I must say I enjoyed walking with 2500 women of all shapes and sizes, ages, walks of life wearing hundreds of shades of pink and costumes. It was fun to listen to them talking, singing, cheering around us. I was overwhelmed by the generosity and hospitality of the community as they lined the sidewalks saying thank you and handing out food, water, stickers and lots of other stuff and then the crew that took such great care of us and made everything so fun. Finally, the closing ceremony was incredibly moving and wrapped the whole weekend up. Having you and your mom there was so special.
Aunt: I must say I enjoyed walking with 2500 women of all shapes and sizes, ages, walks of life wearing hundreds of shades of pink and costumes. It was fun to listen to them talking, singing, cheering around us. I was overwhelmed by the generosity and hospitality of the community as they lined the sidewalks saying thank you and handing out food, water, stickers and lots of other stuff and then the crew that took such great care of us and made everything so fun. Finally, the closing ceremony was incredibly moving and wrapped the whole weekend up. Having you and your mom there was so special.
Mom: I have to say my most memorable moment was seeing your beautiful tear stained face as you walked with a relatively small group of survivors in the closing ceremony. It reminded me deeply why we did the walk!!! Thank goodness your aunt was there to hold me up or I am sure I would have chosen that moment to faint!
Other moments, the elderly lady at the Senior center standing there all dressed in pink waving and cheering us all on, you giving her a hug. The girl walking next to me said they all wondered if she would be there, she has stood in that same spot for the past 4 years cheering the walkers.
The melon men, the jeep guy.........these guys took time out of their lives, jobs, etc. to be there daily to do nothing but make us laugh, give us a smile, take pictures and cheer us onward. Very much appreciated. The two ladies who started each day with us and followed us along the way being at different spots every day, but all day clapping and cheering us on. The sun rise on Sunday at camp. The cheer we received when we walked into the hotel bar after day 2. The police officers who entertained us at lunch with music and prepared dances, how fun.
The kindness of an entire city that took time out of their busy lives to be there for us. The 5 deep crowd of people at the end who clapped, cheered, hugged, whistled and cried with us as we crossed into Petco.
The girl walking in front of us for her friend who had died 2 days before the race and the lady who was walking for her grand daughter who was diagnosed at the age of 10, who is now 15.
60-mile pictures
My son is into the teenage mutant ninja turtle. I couldn't resist taking my picture with one! This guy dressed up as different characters throughout the walk.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
60 miles
As most of you know, over this past weekend, I participated in the Susan G. Komen 3-day 60 mile walk. I thought I would share some of the experience with you. This post will be more about where we went on the walk and what is was like. I will do another post later in the week about the emotional side of the walk (deep, I know!).
To start, I will tell you that I did not stay in a tent on a blowup mattress at the camp that is set up for the walkers. No way, not this girl! I stayed at Camp Hilton with my fellow walkers, my mom and aunt. My aunt did the walk last year. She slept in a tent the first night. She slept in a nice, cozy comfy, warm bed at a hotel the next night. Yup, that is what happened this year as well. We weren't the only ones either! There were several participating hotels that hosted many, many, many walkers.
Each day we walked around 20 miles and along the route, every couple of miles, there were rest stops which had porta-pottys (yuck), water, gatorade, snacks, and a medical tent. The routes were packed with lots and lots of people cheering us on. Some even brought their dogs, which, of course, I stopped and said hi to each and every one! The San Diego police were dressed in pink shirts, rode their bicycles, and kept us entertained with music and dances at lunch. There were decorated "titty-taxis", which gave rides to the injured or tired, but also cheered us on with crazy outfits and music. There were vendors along the way who sold buttons to decorate our lanyards/identification and other breast cancer related items. I purchased several buttons, including "1-Year Survivor," "One Tough Chick," "Yes, they're Fake...the Real Ones tried to Kill Me." and one for my husband "Boob Guy!" There were even people who were giving shots of alcoholic drinks! They weren't full-size shots, but more like half a shot. Totally unexpected, but fun! One lady told me that she had been to 5 other races in different cities and had never seen soo much alcohol on the route before. I knew I chose San Diego for a reason!
My mom and aunt are professional walkers (not really, but they both trained for this), so they were truckin' along the route, which was fine by me because I walk better by myself (very anti-social of me!). It gave me time to think about everything that has happened over the past year and a half and what the future holds (deep thoughts, for sure!). They had to pull over to the side of the road and wait for me...a lot! The amount of training I did was walking a mile a day, every day, and going to the gym a couple of times a week. This was 20 miles every day for three days. Yeah, I wasn't prepared.
The first day we were up at 5:30 am to catch the bus to the starting line. It was dark. It was cold. And I needed coffee. I knew it was going to be a long hard road ahead of us, but, there was an amazing electric vibe among all the women on the bus that made it hard not to be excited.
We walked in to the Del Mar Fairgrounds, found coffee, and got our lanyards which provided ample space to fill up with buttons and stickers given to us and purchased throughout the walk. After a few tears during the opening ceremony, we were off!
We went through Del Mar where shop owners gave us mini-cupcakes ("suck it up cupcake" was a favorite saying during the walk, so cupcakes were appropriate!), stickers, water, and lots of cheering. We went down by the ocean and walked through a light rain which totally messed up my hair and I had worked very hard on my hair that morning (actually, I spent a total of one minute on it!). We ventured up a massive hill in Torrey Pines that just about did us all in! I actually turned around and walked backwards for a bit because my legs were screaming in pain! We stopped for lunch (Panera provided it all three days), and then the rest of the day is a blur! My feet were aching. My knees were hurting. And my ankles were weak. But, I wanted to finish the day and the 20 miles. Good thing there were people handing out shots - vodka with pink lemonade! We barely made it over the finish line the first day! We headed straight for the bus back to Camp Hilton!
Our second day was horrible. We were up at 5:45 am to get coffee at the hotel (the stuff at camp didn't have enough caffeine) and barely had the energy to climb the stairs to get on the bus. I can honestly say that I don't remember most of it because I was in soo much pain that I think I just blocked it all out! I know we walked by Sea World, and through some really beautiful neighborhoods, and down by the ocean, but that is about all I can remember. No joke. I made my first stop at the medical tent during lunch. I had to have a couple of blisters fixed up in order to continue on the journey. A guy next to me in the medical tent had to hold my hand while he got his blisters popped and fixed because he was in soo much pain. Day two sucked. Big time. We had been told that day two was the hardest to push through, and it was. Nothing a nice glass of wine couldn't fix back at Camp Hilton!
Day three was very hard, but soo worth it! It was a beautiful day and even though we were up at 5:45 again, I had actually gotten some sleep the night before as compared to the previous nights (my mom talks in her sleep and my aunt snores a bit) and I was pumped! I made a stop at the medical tent to get my blisters bandaged so that I could attempt to walk the final day. I started out strong and then slowly fell behind. My mom and aunt had to wait for me a couple of times, I felt bad, but I just couldn't push myself to go any faster. There was one final hill that seemed to go straight up. I pulled my bg girl panties up, put my head down and pushed my way up the hill. Ok, a mimosa shot, an oj-vodka shot, and a vodka-pink lemonade shot might have helped a bit, but I did turn down the full-size Miller Light! I have standards, you know! After lunch, we marched on through some colorful neighborhoods with one final push to the finish line at Petco Park. There were people lined up along the side of the street cheering us on. I did a little dance as we walked over the finish line! We stood in line (forever) to take our picture in front of the 60 miles walked banner and then flopped down on the nice, soft grassy knoll to take a well deserved, although short, rest before the closing ceremony.
All I will say about the closing ceremony is that it was emotional...very, very emotional. I will save that for my next post later this week, so stay tuned!
To start, I will tell you that I did not stay in a tent on a blowup mattress at the camp that is set up for the walkers. No way, not this girl! I stayed at Camp Hilton with my fellow walkers, my mom and aunt. My aunt did the walk last year. She slept in a tent the first night. She slept in a nice, cozy comfy, warm bed at a hotel the next night. Yup, that is what happened this year as well. We weren't the only ones either! There were several participating hotels that hosted many, many, many walkers.
Each day we walked around 20 miles and along the route, every couple of miles, there were rest stops which had porta-pottys (yuck), water, gatorade, snacks, and a medical tent. The routes were packed with lots and lots of people cheering us on. Some even brought their dogs, which, of course, I stopped and said hi to each and every one! The San Diego police were dressed in pink shirts, rode their bicycles, and kept us entertained with music and dances at lunch. There were decorated "titty-taxis", which gave rides to the injured or tired, but also cheered us on with crazy outfits and music. There were vendors along the way who sold buttons to decorate our lanyards/identification and other breast cancer related items. I purchased several buttons, including "1-Year Survivor," "One Tough Chick," "Yes, they're Fake...the Real Ones tried to Kill Me." and one for my husband "Boob Guy!" There were even people who were giving shots of alcoholic drinks! They weren't full-size shots, but more like half a shot. Totally unexpected, but fun! One lady told me that she had been to 5 other races in different cities and had never seen soo much alcohol on the route before. I knew I chose San Diego for a reason!
My mom and aunt are professional walkers (not really, but they both trained for this), so they were truckin' along the route, which was fine by me because I walk better by myself (very anti-social of me!). It gave me time to think about everything that has happened over the past year and a half and what the future holds (deep thoughts, for sure!). They had to pull over to the side of the road and wait for me...a lot! The amount of training I did was walking a mile a day, every day, and going to the gym a couple of times a week. This was 20 miles every day for three days. Yeah, I wasn't prepared.
The first day we were up at 5:30 am to catch the bus to the starting line. It was dark. It was cold. And I needed coffee. I knew it was going to be a long hard road ahead of us, but, there was an amazing electric vibe among all the women on the bus that made it hard not to be excited.
We walked in to the Del Mar Fairgrounds, found coffee, and got our lanyards which provided ample space to fill up with buttons and stickers given to us and purchased throughout the walk. After a few tears during the opening ceremony, we were off!
We went through Del Mar where shop owners gave us mini-cupcakes ("suck it up cupcake" was a favorite saying during the walk, so cupcakes were appropriate!), stickers, water, and lots of cheering. We went down by the ocean and walked through a light rain which totally messed up my hair and I had worked very hard on my hair that morning (actually, I spent a total of one minute on it!). We ventured up a massive hill in Torrey Pines that just about did us all in! I actually turned around and walked backwards for a bit because my legs were screaming in pain! We stopped for lunch (Panera provided it all three days), and then the rest of the day is a blur! My feet were aching. My knees were hurting. And my ankles were weak. But, I wanted to finish the day and the 20 miles. Good thing there were people handing out shots - vodka with pink lemonade! We barely made it over the finish line the first day! We headed straight for the bus back to Camp Hilton!
Our second day was horrible. We were up at 5:45 am to get coffee at the hotel (the stuff at camp didn't have enough caffeine) and barely had the energy to climb the stairs to get on the bus. I can honestly say that I don't remember most of it because I was in soo much pain that I think I just blocked it all out! I know we walked by Sea World, and through some really beautiful neighborhoods, and down by the ocean, but that is about all I can remember. No joke. I made my first stop at the medical tent during lunch. I had to have a couple of blisters fixed up in order to continue on the journey. A guy next to me in the medical tent had to hold my hand while he got his blisters popped and fixed because he was in soo much pain. Day two sucked. Big time. We had been told that day two was the hardest to push through, and it was. Nothing a nice glass of wine couldn't fix back at Camp Hilton!
Day three was very hard, but soo worth it! It was a beautiful day and even though we were up at 5:45 again, I had actually gotten some sleep the night before as compared to the previous nights (my mom talks in her sleep and my aunt snores a bit) and I was pumped! I made a stop at the medical tent to get my blisters bandaged so that I could attempt to walk the final day. I started out strong and then slowly fell behind. My mom and aunt had to wait for me a couple of times, I felt bad, but I just couldn't push myself to go any faster. There was one final hill that seemed to go straight up. I pulled my bg girl panties up, put my head down and pushed my way up the hill. Ok, a mimosa shot, an oj-vodka shot, and a vodka-pink lemonade shot might have helped a bit, but I did turn down the full-size Miller Light! I have standards, you know! After lunch, we marched on through some colorful neighborhoods with one final push to the finish line at Petco Park. There were people lined up along the side of the street cheering us on. I did a little dance as we walked over the finish line! We stood in line (forever) to take our picture in front of the 60 miles walked banner and then flopped down on the nice, soft grassy knoll to take a well deserved, although short, rest before the closing ceremony.
All I will say about the closing ceremony is that it was emotional...very, very emotional. I will save that for my next post later this week, so stay tuned!
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
My little man...
Four years ago, our world changed forever. It began on a Monday night and continued through until Friday night at 9:19pm when little o finally made his entrance. Our little family has been through a lot over the past four years and it has been a roller coaster of emotions. Even though he is growing up, he will always be my little man! He is sensitive, emotional, intense, observant, inquisitive, smart, loyal, and a snuggle bug and social butterfly.
This evening, I asked little o the following:
Nickname: Little O
Age: Four
Favorite color: Blue and green
Favorite animal: Jaguar
Favorite book: Happy Birthday Hamster
Favorite TV Show: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Favorite movie: Cars
Favorite song: Good Morning (song sung at school each morning)
Favorite food: chicken nuggets
Favorite drink: milk
Favorite snack: fruit snacks
Favorite toy: monster truck
Best friend: Charlie
Favorite holiday: Halloween
Favorite restaurant: BJ's
What is your favorite thing to do outside? Play
What do you want to be when you grow up? Teenage mutant ninja turtle
Where do you want to go on vacation? Ocean
What do you like to do with mommy? play monster trucks
What do you like to do with daddy? play cars
Loves school, reading books, eating snacks, super heroes, Ziggy, snuggling, riding his balance bike, going to Target, playing in the dirt, jumping in the pool, watching teenage mutant ninja turtles, spiderman.
This is little o at 11 weeks!
This evening, I asked little o the following:
Nickname: Little O
Age: Four
Favorite color: Blue and green
Favorite animal: Jaguar
Favorite book: Happy Birthday Hamster
Favorite TV Show: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Favorite movie: Cars
Favorite song: Good Morning (song sung at school each morning)
Favorite food: chicken nuggets
Favorite drink: milk
Favorite snack: fruit snacks
Favorite toy: monster truck
Best friend: Charlie
Favorite holiday: Halloween
Favorite restaurant: BJ's
What is your favorite thing to do outside? Play
What do you want to be when you grow up? Teenage mutant ninja turtle
Where do you want to go on vacation? Ocean
What do you like to do with mommy? play monster trucks
What do you like to do with daddy? play cars
Loves school, reading books, eating snacks, super heroes, Ziggy, snuggling, riding his balance bike, going to Target, playing in the dirt, jumping in the pool, watching teenage mutant ninja turtles, spiderman.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Update
So I realized the other day that it has been forever since I did an update on how things are going for me. The short update - I am fine. But, if you want the long update, read on!
My new boobs are doing well. They have settled in to their new homes quite nicely. They are d's!!! One seems to sit a bit to the side, but this could also be my imagination! The "pocket" or "flap" that my right boob was placed in was a bit larger than the new boob implant. I had to have a lot of stitches to try and make the pocket smaller and to hold the implant in place while I healed from my surgery. Why was the pocket too large you ask? Well, my theory is that during my first week of recovering from my double mastectomy, I went to sit down on the floor to read my son a book and without really thinking, I put my right hand down on the floor to stabilize myself and boom! I fell over in soo much pain I almost threw up. No joke. I am pretty sure I did some damage and ripped some stitches on the inside. I didn't tell my surgeon about this incident. Maybe I should have!
I still haven't had my nipples tattooed on yet. Wait, what? Yup, you read correctly. I don't have nipples. I just have these 7-inch scars going across my boobs. It's funny because right before I went in for my double mastectomy I came to the realization that I wasn't going to have nipples ever again. Yes, you can have nipple sparing surgery, but I wasn't able to because one of my tumors was located right under my nipple. For some reason, I didn't make the connection between chopping off my boobs and losing my nipples.
I still go every 4 weeks for a Zoladex shot, and I still take a daily does of Tamoxifen. Menopause is awesome. I am soo lucky I get to experience it not once, but twice in my lifetime. Ha. Ha. Ha. But seriously, even though I still get hot flashes, they don't seem to bother me as much as they used to. I see my oncologist and get blood work every 8 weeks. My oncologist says that I have between 2-4 years left for my shot and 4-9 years left for tamoxifen.
I still haven't lost all of my chemo weight, but not much I can do about that. Omar and I started eating Paleo which helped me lose 4 pounds, but even with eating better and working out, the rest of the chemo weight just won't budge! Sometimes is bothers me and sometimes it doesn't. It just depends on what I am trying to wear that day! If my clothes fit, it doesn't bother me. If they don't, it bothers me. Pretty much like every other woman on planet Earth! I also still have chemo brain. Some days are better than others, but I still have problems remembering some basic stuff.
My hair is growing slowly but surely. It is dark brown with a few gray hairs here and there. It is also very soft and super curly! I hope it stays this way!
Well, that's about it for the update in terms of my health! Not bad, right?! Since not much is happening, thank goodness, I will probably start using this blog for other adventures as well. I am sure you would love to hear all about my adventures with re-caulking my bathroom or painting our half-bath! Or how about my desire to paint our cabinets? Or my quest to raise $3k to participate in the the San Diego 3-day breast cancer walk. How about an update on our family summer adventures, including my 36-hour delay at the Las Vegas airport? Stay tuned! But for now, just know that all is well. And that, my friends, is a good thing!
My new boobs are doing well. They have settled in to their new homes quite nicely. They are d's!!! One seems to sit a bit to the side, but this could also be my imagination! The "pocket" or "flap" that my right boob was placed in was a bit larger than the new boob implant. I had to have a lot of stitches to try and make the pocket smaller and to hold the implant in place while I healed from my surgery. Why was the pocket too large you ask? Well, my theory is that during my first week of recovering from my double mastectomy, I went to sit down on the floor to read my son a book and without really thinking, I put my right hand down on the floor to stabilize myself and boom! I fell over in soo much pain I almost threw up. No joke. I am pretty sure I did some damage and ripped some stitches on the inside. I didn't tell my surgeon about this incident. Maybe I should have!
I still haven't had my nipples tattooed on yet. Wait, what? Yup, you read correctly. I don't have nipples. I just have these 7-inch scars going across my boobs. It's funny because right before I went in for my double mastectomy I came to the realization that I wasn't going to have nipples ever again. Yes, you can have nipple sparing surgery, but I wasn't able to because one of my tumors was located right under my nipple. For some reason, I didn't make the connection between chopping off my boobs and losing my nipples.
I still go every 4 weeks for a Zoladex shot, and I still take a daily does of Tamoxifen. Menopause is awesome. I am soo lucky I get to experience it not once, but twice in my lifetime. Ha. Ha. Ha. But seriously, even though I still get hot flashes, they don't seem to bother me as much as they used to. I see my oncologist and get blood work every 8 weeks. My oncologist says that I have between 2-4 years left for my shot and 4-9 years left for tamoxifen.
I still haven't lost all of my chemo weight, but not much I can do about that. Omar and I started eating Paleo which helped me lose 4 pounds, but even with eating better and working out, the rest of the chemo weight just won't budge! Sometimes is bothers me and sometimes it doesn't. It just depends on what I am trying to wear that day! If my clothes fit, it doesn't bother me. If they don't, it bothers me. Pretty much like every other woman on planet Earth! I also still have chemo brain. Some days are better than others, but I still have problems remembering some basic stuff.
My hair is growing slowly but surely. It is dark brown with a few gray hairs here and there. It is also very soft and super curly! I hope it stays this way!
Well, that's about it for the update in terms of my health! Not bad, right?! Since not much is happening, thank goodness, I will probably start using this blog for other adventures as well. I am sure you would love to hear all about my adventures with re-caulking my bathroom or painting our half-bath! Or how about my desire to paint our cabinets? Or my quest to raise $3k to participate in the the San Diego 3-day breast cancer walk. How about an update on our family summer adventures, including my 36-hour delay at the Las Vegas airport? Stay tuned! But for now, just know that all is well. And that, my friends, is a good thing!
Thursday, June 6, 2013
'Superformula' Turns Child Cancer Patients Into Superheroes
How awesome is this?!?!? If they would have had this at my hospital, I totally would have chosen SuperWoman!!! Although, I think this may be only for kids...I hope hospitals in the US catch on to this. I think I will bring this article to my next appointment with my oncologist.
'Superformula' Turns Child Cancer Patients Into Superheroes | Yahoo! Health
'Superformula' Turns Child Cancer Patients Into Superheroes | Yahoo! Health
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Angelina Jolie
I will admit, I am not a huge fan of Angelina Jolie. However, I applaud her for coming forward to announce that she had a preventative double mastectomy due to her carrying one of the known breast cancer genes. There are people who are in an uproar over her decision. I for one, think it was a very brave thing to do because I know what a difficult decision it is to make.
When I was diagnosed, the cancer in my left boob had already spread. It was invasive. It was only in my left boob. The idea of having to worry about it possibly migrating over to the right boob freaked me out. While I had to have my left boob removed because I had several cancer spots, I chose to have my right boob removed as a preventative measure. That and I didn't want to have one real boob and one fake boob! It was a personal decision and one that I went back and forth on. But, in the end, I know I made the right decision. I remember my surgeon wasn't all that excited about taking my right boob since it wasn't cancerous, but in the end it was my decision and I don't regret it. Especially now... my new boobs look fabulous!
When I was diagnosed, the cancer in my left boob had already spread. It was invasive. It was only in my left boob. The idea of having to worry about it possibly migrating over to the right boob freaked me out. While I had to have my left boob removed because I had several cancer spots, I chose to have my right boob removed as a preventative measure. That and I didn't want to have one real boob and one fake boob! It was a personal decision and one that I went back and forth on. But, in the end, I know I made the right decision. I remember my surgeon wasn't all that excited about taking my right boob since it wasn't cancerous, but in the end it was my decision and I don't regret it. Especially now... my new boobs look fabulous!
Monday, April 8, 2013
Survivor...
It has been a long time since I posted anything but I felt compelled to write a short post.
Tonight at the gym, I wore my hot pink survivor T-shirt from the Sacramento 2012 Susan g komen race for a cure. After my workout, I stopped at rite aid to pick up something to drink - which by the way, Sparkling Ice in pink grapefruit is delish! Anyways, I go to the cash register and the girl behind the counter asks me if I am a breast cancer survivor. I told her yes, I am a survivor. She looked me in my eyes and said, "I have never met a survivor." I said, wait, what? She said that everyone she has known who had breast cancer died. She said breast cancer runs on both sides of her family and that she is having a biopsy tomorrow. She said seeing me in my shirt gave her hope.
What is interesting is that earlier I told my coworkers I wear the shirt so people know why I look the way I do. The shirt represented what I wanted people to see when they looked at me, when they looked at my crazy hair, or last year, my flat chest. It was all about me and my appearance and what i thought people thought when they looked at me. The girl at rite aid unknowingly put me in my place. What i had thought my shirt represented was selfish. It was all about me and my appearance.
Now, i realize it's not about what this shirt represents for me. It's about what it represnets for others.
And tonight, for the girl at rite aid, my shirt represented hope and survival.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
New boobs
In less than 48 hours, I will be the owner of one great pair of brand spankin' new boobs! That's right, the day has come for these painful tissue expanders (te's) to be tossed in to the trash (or wherever it is they go!). Yes, my te's did have a wonderful purpose in life (they did stretch my skin well enough to be able to put a pair of D's in their place), however, I shall not miss them and here is why...
1. Rocks. That's right, rocks. That is what they feel like. No joke. I can't tell you how many times I have had to tell people to feel my boobs because people don't believe me when I tell them they feel like rocks, and every time they say, "Oh, wow, you weren't joking." Um, yeah, I wouldn't joke about having rocks as boobs. I understand that they have to be that way in order to force my skin and muscle to stretch, but let me tell you something... it was painful. Imagine having rocks placed under your skin and muscle. They don't move...at all...never in any way do they move. Just think about sleeping on your side or stomach. Just think about the side of your arms hitting them everyday...I have had so many bruises on my arms. My new boobs will be soft and moveable. Hallelujah!
2. Cleavage, or actually, lack of cleavage. Since my boobs don't move, I can't make any cleavage. This will finally end once I get my new boobs on Friday! Hallelujah!!!This means I will soon be in the market for some really great bras to show off my really great boobs!!! Not sure how they knew, but Victoria's Secret sent me a catalogue in the mail last week!!! Well, hello there bombshell!!!
I will post some pics (not of my boobs, sorry) from the hospital before going in to surgery and when I come out of surgery, so stay tuned!
1. Rocks. That's right, rocks. That is what they feel like. No joke. I can't tell you how many times I have had to tell people to feel my boobs because people don't believe me when I tell them they feel like rocks, and every time they say, "Oh, wow, you weren't joking." Um, yeah, I wouldn't joke about having rocks as boobs. I understand that they have to be that way in order to force my skin and muscle to stretch, but let me tell you something... it was painful. Imagine having rocks placed under your skin and muscle. They don't move...at all...never in any way do they move. Just think about sleeping on your side or stomach. Just think about the side of your arms hitting them everyday...I have had so many bruises on my arms. My new boobs will be soft and moveable. Hallelujah!
2. Cleavage, or actually, lack of cleavage. Since my boobs don't move, I can't make any cleavage. This will finally end once I get my new boobs on Friday! Hallelujah!!!This means I will soon be in the market for some really great bras to show off my really great boobs!!! Not sure how they knew, but Victoria's Secret sent me a catalogue in the mail last week!!! Well, hello there bombshell!!!
I will post some pics (not of my boobs, sorry) from the hospital before going in to surgery and when I come out of surgery, so stay tuned!
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
How I lost 20lbs in two weeks!!!!
I bet the title of this blog post really caught your eye?!?! I bet you are thinking to yourself right now, "how in the world did she do that?" Some of you may be thinking, "wait, whaaaaat? No way!" Well, I am about to let you in on a little secret of how I lost 20lbs in two weeks....I didn't. No way, no how did I lose 20lbs in two weeks. These types of "headlines" are constantly making me roll my eyes in disgust.
On Sunday, we were at the grocery store doing our weekly grocery shopping. We pulled up in line to check out and every single magazine had a "headline" screaming about how so-and-so lost 50 lbs in 5 weeks. It makes me very irritated to see these types of articles. Let me explain.
The first type of "how I lost wait" headline that I despise are those in which a pregnant celebrity or wanna-be celebrity has an article written about how they lost all kinds of weight in a super short amount of time. Ok, look. I will fully admit that when I gave birth to my son, I lost all 40lbs in six weeks. But, guess what, it's not newsworthy. It's called breast feeding, or in my case pumping breast milk. It's also due to stress. Or, hey maybe this might be why, you don't have time to eat!
The second type of "how I lost weight" headline that I hate are those in which a celebrity or wanna-be celebrity has an article written about them that describes how they lost 50 lbs in 6 weeks. Ok, I am going to go out on a limb here and say that I am pretty sure if we had someone making food for us, a personal trainer, and no job we could all lose a shit ton of weight in a short time frame as well.
I don't find these types of articles inspirational in my weight loss journey. Maybe some of you do, but not me. It makes me mad. It makes me want to send them a bucket full of chocolate chip cookies. Hmmm....I feel like eating a chocolate chip cookie now....
I have a full time job. I have a child that we take care of - not a live-in nanny. I have to cook my own food which sometimes means Kraft Mac and Cheese and little smokies (actually, my husband does most of the cooking!). I try and get to the gym 3 times a week. I walk around the capitol every day at lunch. I try to eat healthy. Yet, sometimes I still have to leave the top button of my pants unbuttoned. I lost 1 pound this week. Maybe someone should write a story about me!
On Sunday, we were at the grocery store doing our weekly grocery shopping. We pulled up in line to check out and every single magazine had a "headline" screaming about how so-and-so lost 50 lbs in 5 weeks. It makes me very irritated to see these types of articles. Let me explain.
The first type of "how I lost wait" headline that I despise are those in which a pregnant celebrity or wanna-be celebrity has an article written about how they lost all kinds of weight in a super short amount of time. Ok, look. I will fully admit that when I gave birth to my son, I lost all 40lbs in six weeks. But, guess what, it's not newsworthy. It's called breast feeding, or in my case pumping breast milk. It's also due to stress. Or, hey maybe this might be why, you don't have time to eat!
The second type of "how I lost weight" headline that I hate are those in which a celebrity or wanna-be celebrity has an article written about them that describes how they lost 50 lbs in 6 weeks. Ok, I am going to go out on a limb here and say that I am pretty sure if we had someone making food for us, a personal trainer, and no job we could all lose a shit ton of weight in a short time frame as well.
I don't find these types of articles inspirational in my weight loss journey. Maybe some of you do, but not me. It makes me mad. It makes me want to send them a bucket full of chocolate chip cookies. Hmmm....I feel like eating a chocolate chip cookie now....
I have a full time job. I have a child that we take care of - not a live-in nanny. I have to cook my own food which sometimes means Kraft Mac and Cheese and little smokies (actually, my husband does most of the cooking!). I try and get to the gym 3 times a week. I walk around the capitol every day at lunch. I try to eat healthy. Yet, sometimes I still have to leave the top button of my pants unbuttoned. I lost 1 pound this week. Maybe someone should write a story about me!
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