Well this just sucks...

Yes, I am having one of those days.  A day in which I am feeling sorry for myself.  These days are few and far between, but when I have them, boy do they suck.  I woke up this morning feeling grumpy...like Grumpy in the Seven Drarfs or Grumpy Bear from the Care Bears.  I warned my co-workers that I just wasn't in the best of moods today.  They understood since I did have my third chemo treatment last week and chemo usually makes me feel like an emotional roller coaster.  But today for some reason was uber-bad.

I got to thinking about how unfair it is that I have breast cancer.  Yes, I know it could be a whole lot worse.  And yes, I know, life isn't fair.  Blah, blah, blah. 

I lost my boobs because of breast cancer.
I lost my hair because of breast cancer.
I lost my fertility because of breast cancer.
I lost my body because of breast cancer (gaining weight, menopause).
I lost my self-esteem because of breast cancer.
And on days like today, I lost my mental and emotional happiness that has carried me through all of this.

It's been six months since I found my lump in my boob.  I have only felt sorry for myself a handful of times.  So, please excuse me, my "pitty party table of one" is being called. 

A funny thing happened....

A funny thing happened on my way home tonight, other then randomly seeing my bff lindz... I was walking down the street in downtown Sacramento and i noticed these three young guys coming towards me. One of them said to me "I am totally down with that! My mom had that too." It took me a moment to figure out what he was talking about and then I realized he was pointing at my pink ribbon pin on my shirt.  He started to grab my hand and said " can I kiss your hand?"  Uh, sure. Then he gave me a huge hug and said " you stay strong girl!  You stay strong!"  This guy made my day!

What's funny is I had just been thinking earlier in the day about peoples reactions to seeing me on the street.  Some people full on stare at me quizically.  Some people stare but quickly look away only to try and sneak another look.  And on very rare occasions someone looks at me with an understanding small smile on their face.  I like those people.  It's amazing what a smile from a complete stranger will do to a person!

I know people are just curious about me and i understand that now.  When you look at me you wouldn't think cancer patient or chemo patient.  At first it hurt and i would often have to fight back the tears, but now that I have gotten used to the curious looks, it's not too big of a deal.  But that guy tonight brought a smile to my face and a tear to my eyes.  He had the courage to walk up to me, a total stranger, and say his words of encouragement.  I think he will stick in my mind forever.

Maybe Someday...

To all the women who participate in breast cancer drug trials, I thank you.  Because of you, new advancements in the treatment of breast cancer will soon be available to help the newly diagnosed live longer lives.  And maybe, just maybe, someday, breast cancer will be a thing of the past.

Double click on the links below to learn more...

Study: 'Smart bomb' drug attacks breast cancer

 FDA to let women try new breast drugs earlier